Hello, I’d like to briefly to tell you a little about me and my journey so far in a personal message.
Around age nine or ten a friend and I accidently locked ourselves in the trunk of my mother’s car while playing a game in which the trunk was the ‘prison’. Ironically, it literally became that and after struggling for what seemed like an hour to escape, I fully accepted that the ‘I’ I believed myself to be was about to ‘die’. In that moment of acceptance I witnessed flashes of my life story up to that point and embraced the fact that the story was now going to end. Fully surrendering to my fate at hand I was immediately released into an infinite expanse of consciousness that was truly indescribable in its luminous splendor and effortless peace and comfort. Yet it seemed that as soon as this profound experience unfolded my mother finally came to deliver us from the trunk and I chose to return to the body. Coming back to the physical plane was paradoxically baffling and left me in an existential haze wondering what in the world had just happened. As a child I had no way of describing or comprehending the experience and couldn’t even fathom trying to put it into language, so I simply didn’t. Due to this the experience was never discussed with my family or friend and all of it was treated as just a bad memory of that one time I got locked in a car trunk…
As it turned out my life story was not ready to end and now with this experience deeply embedded in my subconscious I went back to my normal routines as if nothing had happened. Yet the experience of embracing ‘death’ had planted a quiet seed of profound spiritual-inquiry waiting to be explored when I was ready in hopes of understanding what had occurred. One thing was for sure, I had known from that point on that there was no such thing as ‘death’ as we commonly think of it and this gnosis sparked a fierce passion within me to ‘figure things out’ and contemplate the mysteries of this life. Thus, from an early age I questioned the Mormon religion I belonged to, my parents, authority figures, and my school teachers on their various ideas and perspectives on the world, what creates true happiness, the nature of God/Divinity, the essence of love and compassion, the subjectivity of life, and the meaning/purpose of existence. I was continuously frustrated early on by the answers I was receiving from others. Nothing felt true and was never lasting. Therefore I realized very early that I would need to trust myself and embark on this journey alone and nothing was going to deter me from the search for Truth.
I had always loved learning about all the various aspects of life on this Earth and couldn’t seem to gain enough knowledge on just about everything. Because of this drive for more information I finished high school at the age of fifteen and for my first few years in college, immersed myself in the studies of biology, chemistry, botany/zoology, physics, calculus, and philosophy. After this desire for understanding the physical world was more or less satisfied the quest for understanding humans’ inner world took over and I devoted myself to a bachelor’s degree in psychology that I received from Utah Valley University a few years later.
With exposure to this new fascinating knowledge of psychology I then went on to work in inpatient psychiatry where I gained priceless experience with patients, had several epiphanies of truth, and grew in wisdom pertaining particularly to the power of the mind and its ability to either empower or destroy us. While working with some of the most severely confused minds I came to realize amazing truths regarding the human condition, spirituality, the energies of love and compassion, and consciousness and the soul. With these new insights I then began to search for a context that was capable of making sense of my many ideas and theories that had been formulating and evolving.
I had planned to become a medical doctor since youth and after a series of events I decided on pursuing a doctorate in naturopathic medicine at Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine in Arizona. I chose naturopathic medicine because it was the most in congruence with my perspectives on life and healing in comparison to allopathic or osteopathic approaches. But being in medical school quickly became unsatisfying. Although I was exposed to incredible information and brilliant, loving colleagues that liberated me from my limiting belief systems and only supported and deepened my theories on happiness, health, spirituality, and the power of the mind, I still felt something wasn’t being addressed. I had to follow my heart and with the support of a teacher and colleague at the time, I left medical school to focus my attention on the deeper spiritual questions of life that I was seeking. This led to a period, a little less than a year, of fascination with studies of quantum physics, metaphysics/ontology, epistemology, occult knowledge, ‘mentalphysics’, the beginning of this site and pursuing writing, and further exploration in psychology, particularly Buddhist psychology.
After this period of intellectual freedom and continuous study and research I then began a masters program in counseling Jungian-depth psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute in California. This however, again left me feeling unsatisfied by its limitations and inability to explain the deeper spiritual realizations I had coming from within me. Although I again received wonderful knowledge pertaining to honing my counseling, communication, and teaching skills the deeper sense of fulfillment was still lacking. Thus, after the first quarter I left again and decided to devote myself purely to enlightenment and spiritual/existential self-inquiry which seemed to be unlimited in potential and fulfillment. As it turned out, this was exactly the case and with discovery of Dr. David Hawkins’ writings and a contextual awareness of the evolution of consciousness it felt that I had at last found the truth that I had been searching for my entire life. In combination with endless study of the Bhagavad-Gita, The Upanishads, teachings of the Buddha, Jesus the Christ, Alan Watts, and other mystics and enlightened sages, there was finally a feeling of Absolute Truth and completeness. Over the next two years I then spent my time studying, contemplating, and discussing these teachings along with writing here as well as writing a book outlining my journey and discoveries that led to my consciousness expanding step by step.
With this devotion I set out to realize the truth about our infinite power within, the truth about our infinite joy, eternal love, and endless bliss that is intended to be ours. It seems humanity is sleeping and being blinded to the completely obvious immortal joy and acceptance that is all present. All our dreams and heart’s desires are waiting to come true and indeed are coming true in the very moment, all that we must do is stop resisting our own greatness and divinity in order to see the beauty of our gift of existence. With that being said, it is my privilege and honor to share with you everything that has been given to me in hopes of helping you realize the true lasting happiness that we all desire and rightfully deserve. I am fully confident that as we remember how to recognize the infinite resources within us we can change our lives in every way imaginable. Likewise, through radical self-inquiry and self-honesty we can uncover the most profound of Truth pertaining to our true divine nature.
May you find what it is you are seeking.
Wishing us Peace and Love always,
Mathew currently is serving as an elementary teacher in Las Vegas, Nv.